I sat sheepishly in my seat after my performance of Baby Baby Baby in acapella. Immediately, I wanted a do-over. I was disappointed in my delivery because I knew I could have done better, but I let my nerves get the best of me. The room was dark; all eyes were on me, the lights were dim, and the intensity of the space threw me off my balance. Piercing eyes and blank stares always send shivers up my spine. This night was no different. Each time I'm on stage, it's like a battle inside of me, trying to fight off the fear of letting loose in front of an audience. When I opened my mouth, the first note came out wrong, and I panicked internally. My voice started to quiver, but it wasn't noticeable. I knew I had to keep it together on stage because shit happens sometimes; this is part of being a professional. I was indignant because my performance didn't show the brutal months I spent learning this song.
Baby Baby Baby is a song by British soul singer Joss Stone. Stone's low, soulful sounds and powerful mix persuaded me to choose this song. Joss is a talented vocalist with an abundance of heart and soul, but her songs don't leave you feeling intimidated by overzealous vocal gymnastics. It was suitable for a singer of my caliber, a reasonable challenge that would help me expand my vocal abilities and push me outside my comfort zone. I dedicated a few months to working with a voice teacher to understand the technical aspects of the song, such as breath control, vocal placement, and vowel shapes. Afterward, I spent a month working on the song alone to synthesize what I learned in my lessons. It was an emotional journey that tested my faith in my talent and helped me get comfortable with my natural voice.
Lessons
When my instructor asked me to sing the song for the first time, I didn't know what to expect from myself. I heard the song several times, but not enough to have the piece memorized by heart. I was afraid of my voice because I wasn't sure if I could measure up to Joss Stone; people would inevitably compare the cover to the original. I kept thinking this would be the song that proved I was a bad vocalist. How could I sing other songs if I didn't have the stamina, agility, or tone suited for this song? The instrumental was so groovy, soulful, and upbeat that I felt like I couldn't hear my voice and keep up with the music when I tried to sing. Each time I sang the song, it felt like I unquestioningly jumped off a cliff into the ocean and could barely stay afloat. The long phrases and soulful belting challenged me to dig deep and not abandon this song. There were many times I wanted to quit because I discovered parts of my voice that were ugly, different, and unique, unfamiliar sounds.
After I sang the song in my lesson, we both knew I had a lot of work to do. When I sang, it sounded like my voice was giving out and running out of air; I couldn't get through the whole song without stopping. We began doing many exercises to help me understand where to place my voice at specific points. I struggled to sing the first phrase, "baby baby baby," accurately. I kept singing it higher, starting on F when I should have been starting on G. My teacher would encourage me to sing with music instead of in acapella because it helps the vocalist stay in tune. So, for the days and weeks in between my lessons, I was listening to Baby Baby Baby at all hours of the day. Over the summer, I had to attend a funeral overseas, so while on the plane, driving in the car, or hanging out at the hotel, I was singing and listening to the song. I was making minor improvements but couldn't sing the whole song.
A week before my next lesson, I got sick. My nose was stuffed, and I had a terrible cough. I wanted to show up because I was committed to learning the song, but I had to cut the class short because my voice couldn't sustain itself. To my surprise, my instructor said I drastically improved from our last lesson. Whoo hooo! That gave me a little encouragement to keep going.
My journey is different because I don't have a robust support system from my family. Again, I am not trying to play the woe is me card, but sometimes this makes me fall into a depression. In my area, I see many local artists with the support of their families; Dad shares his daughter's music on Facebook, Mom helps her son sell merch and watches all of his videos on YouTube, extended family members share the music and attend gigs, etc. Not to compare, but my father is always telling me how much of a greedy loser I am. It hurts because I value community, building relationships and people.
Learning on my own
The discomfort of hearing the sound of my own voice loomed over me and echoed in the background. Each time I rehearsed, I was thinking about my voice compared to the original record. I felt my voice didn't have the spice and flare to execute the song well. I needed to find the soulful element in my singing that would give me the power, heart, and soul to exude the energy and emotion Joss brings to the song. Storytelling and emotions are essential aspects of jazz and soul music. To tap into these aspects, I learned that you must be very comfortable with yourself and let go of the apprehension that may hinder your performance.
My goal wasn't to imitate Joss Stone but to improve as a vocalist, broaden my horizons, and find my voice. I had to let go of comparing my vocals to hers. Studying independently was an obstacle because I was doing it for myself. In other words, no one was there to hold me accountable. I wasn't doing it for a grade or a job ( not yet, at least on the job part). I started listening to the song with a critical ear, studying how to interpret the emotions, and figuring out how to imitate the sounds. I analyzed her live performances to understand which parts were the lead vocals and which parts belonged to the background. It was difficult to decipher between the parts in the studio version. In my lessons, I sang all the parts, so that is how I began studying the song.
I became increasingly frustrated because I did not understand how to sing this song without tiring my voice. I kept my breath supported, my poster correct, and I was not singing from my throat, but it seemed like none of that mattered. Singing was becoming a mysterious art form that I did not understand. How could other people sing so well and effortlessly while I was still stuck on the basics? What was wrong with me? No matter how often I listened to the song and practiced, my performance didn't seem right; my voice couldn't match the record.
After practicing tirelessly a month later, I mustered the courage to perform the song in acapella at my local open mic. I did it in acapella because I didn't know it was an option to perform with music at an open mic, and it's easier to hear my voice. In the moment, I wasn't happy with my performance, but looking back on it now, I am proud of myself for being vulnerable and courageous on stage. Even though I was nervous, singing in front of an audience felt exhilarating. I enjoyed sharing my passion with other people and artistically expressing myself.
I don't know what the future holds for my music, but I know that everything I do will take me one step closer to being a full-time independent artist and a better musician. Learning the song Baby Baby Baby by Joss Stone inspired me to appreciate soul music and incorporate that genre into my style. I adore the emotional twang unique to the genre and the groovy, upbeat sounds.
I look forward to implementing a soulful sound and showing the audience more of my personality. Soul music gives you room to express a sassy attitude and get creative with songwriting. This was my emotional journey to learning a new song.
Xoxo
Chanelmarie
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